Egocentrism

First of all, thank you, Holly, for providing me with the title necessary for today. You're fabulous!

To really start this off, the name of my blog is Walking in My Own Shoes. Basically, the blog is in place to keep me aware of my journey in life and following along my own path. However, by focusing on my own path and walking in my own shoes, I do realize that there are many other routes in life and many other shoes that are filled. My path and my shoes are not the only ones that are present in this world. I do recognize that much.

Simply because I may think or feel one way, doesn't mean that everyone else I encounter or the billions of humans I will never encounter, will think or feel the exact same thing in that exact moment. Maybe they have been there before and got burned on that path. Or perhaps that path was never meant for them and they simply chose another. There are several concepts, situations, areas of life that I am particularly passionate about. I know in my heart and soul that I am set in my thinking on them. I have done the work to explore all options of those particular areas and happen to have found that my heart is set to defend my stand or my view point. My point of view works for me and fits my life. I do know that my view doesn't fit every individual. In some instances, I will provide information to others, but I will also listen to your view on the topics. I may not agree, but I think that seeing the situation from someone else's perspective is insightful. The human mind and human behavior fascinates me. That doesn't mean I think I am right, think you are right, or that I always agree. It just IS.

If you encounter me and tell me that you think or feel one way, but I don't, I am not going to tell you that you are wrong and that your feelings aren't valid. You're not wrong and your feelings are valid...for you. It just may not fit where I am in my life.

Egocentrism is basically believing that everyone sees the world as you see the world. However, we are not living in Utopia. Sorry, if you thought we were. You may be walking through life with your heart open, but that doesn't mean that everyone else is ready for such a bold and freeing move. It is a very scary step to take, especially if you have been hurt. Or if I have opened my heart and you have not, please don't dismiss that I feel, just because you aren't there.

This is my path. This is my journey. I am exactly where I need to be and want to have the freedom to feel and think what I want. You don't have to agree with where I am or what I feel, but don't push aside that I think or feel. Life isn't the personal fable that we had once believed it to be...or perhaps still believe it to be. Now, put your ego aside, this blog wasn't about you. ; ) Just a little reminder for myself. This is simply where my mind is today.

Not the Only One

I am sort of in a hurry, but there are a few things that I wanted to unload before going about my business today.

Mainly, the whole point is that I realize that I am not quite as unique as I had once hoped. Perhaps, I am gaining back more of my realistic point of view.

I know that the pain I have felt in the past is not unique to me. It has been felt by many others before me and will be felt by many others after me.

The situations I have been in, others have experienced before.

Feelings of happiness and love have been shared amongst all of us humans that feel.

My past, present, and future sufferings are not one of a kind.

Does that make the pain hurt any less when I see that others have been there before? NO. It just shows me that there is happiness on the other side. It gives me hope to push forward and not accept my suffering, by being content.

I don't want to be a martyr or a hero anymore. I do not want to carry the weight of these things on my own. The good or the bad. I want to be able to open my heart and share what I experience with my family and friends. The people that are always by my side, the ones that support me, love me, and care for me.

I don't believe that because others have been there before me or that others will be there after me, that it makes anything insignificant. It is a blessing.

I plan to push forward, share my love and happiness, and keep my heart open. I don't want to be jaded and live my life being afraid. So, cheers to not being one in a million.

A Four Letter Word

It's a four letter word. Four simple letters, pressed together, making one little word. Some think that it is a bad word or a cursed word. It is just one word and sometimes saying it does nothing more than provoke fear in the person that hears it come from your mouth. Other times, the word seems to be filled with nothing more than lies. To me, this word is one that should be said with care.

Perhaps I am out one day and a small child says this word to me. I can react in several different ways. This word is easier for a small child to use, than it is for most adults. I can look at this child and mouth back the word. Is this fair to do, even if I don't know the meaning behind the word? Or, I could look at the child, tell him/her that they are sweet. There are many ways in which I can handle this encounter.

I hear this word on a daily basis. I hear it from my child, my friends, and my family. I use this word on a daily basis. I say it to my child, my friends, and my family. I have heard this word thrown about, as if with no meaning. In the past, I have said it without understanding what the word even meant. I am guilty of abusing this word. In recent years, I have began to understand. In understanding, I have encountered my own fears of those four combined letters. I have gone through times in which I believed that this word could ruin anything. There have been moments in which I have avoided saying or hearing such a thing.

Today, I am embracing the word. LOVE. Love. Love. Love. Unfortunately, for many people, it is far easier said than done. I am not any better. I have been there before. Today I am willing to love and willing to let those that I love, know that I love them. xoxo

The In Between Space

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This is sometimes the space that is in between.

Emotionally, I have been on a roller coaster this week. I finally realized what I believed to be the cause of this emotional ride. I had spent time consistently putting forth the work in my life to move forward and progress. That has sort of taken a short hiatus. I had just been getting into the groove of movement and then took a small recess. Without the work and all of the play, makes mama a tired lady! I notice that I have more energy, more love, more life when I am making constant strides forward. If I sit and take a little breather, I get emotionally wired. I am not entirely sure that makes sense in writing, but it is exactly how I see what is happening. It is almost self-destructive.

Thankfully, I have had the awareness to this and will be putting forth the effort, again. Even in the days that have followed the awareness, I have been happier and don't allow the little things to get me down. There was quite a bit of things I wanted to add to this blog, I just am a tiny bit out of my element right this moment.

Day 30 - A Picture

This is a picture of me that I took yesterday. My first day back to work! This is what you look like when you watch over two hours of Fair Housing. I had a nice day at work. I spent most of the day watching training videos and reading a portion of Market Property Operations Manual. The last hour of the day I put new lease letters in the folders of clients that may be renewing their leases soon. Tomorrow, I will be learning more about how to put a client folder together, answering calls, and I will walk the model.

Day 29 - 3 Wishes

If I had 3 wishes, they would probably wait for a long time to be used. I would want to be absolutely sure, that I made the best possible use of these wishes. It is hard to pick 3 wishes. It seems a little selfish, too. Oh well, on with my selfish wishes.

For my first wish, I would wish for my father to be rid of his daily headaches. He has struggled daily with headaches for many years now and has found no relief. So, Dad, my first wish would go to you! I know that dealing with migraines is rough. I went through that every single day, for a year. I could not imagine having to do it any longer than a year. It seems cruel.

Second, I would wish for health, for my loved ones. Everyone in my life is pretty healthy, but I always worry. I want them all to be healthy, always.

Lastly, and selfishly, I would wish for a man in my life that could love me and my son. A man that could add to my happiness and I to his. A man that is silly, fun, smart, driven, sweet, a bit sarcastic, and can handle his own.

Okay...enough wishing and back to the real world.
I start my new job today. I am excited and nervous. I am still working through papers for childcare. Gabriel was supposed to go to his great grandma's (MieMie Z's) today while I went to work. It didn't work out that way. Around ten he started vomiting and was having stomach troubles. Needless to say, his dad made him an appointment to see his physician and he had his appointment at 11:45. I have to be at work at 1 today. I hope he starts feeling better soon. I feel bad that his dad has to take off of work, but I cannot call off on my first day. It just isn't really an option. Time to get my head out of the clouds and get ready to start my new job!

Day 28 - Something that stresses you out

My biggest source of stress comes from school. The stress that comes from attending school is due to several different factors. Financially, attending the school is expensive and I have had several issues regarding payment. The paperwork is another area of attending school that stresses me out. I am a dual student, meaning I attend the university and a local community college. Due to attending two schools, each quarter I have to fill out consortium agreements between the two schools in order to figure out payments. The two schools seem to have problems in completing this paperwork. UC tells me to fill out the form, send it to Sinclair, and Sinclair pretends to fill it out. Shortly after Sinclair calls me to tell me that I need to have UC fill out the form before they fill it out. I get the form, send it to UC, and UC pretends to fill it out. I get a call from UC saying that they cannot fill out the paperwork until Sinclair completes the form. This happens each quarter, regardless of who gets the forms first. It generally takes over 2 months to have two sections of a form, about 2 inches long, to be completed. It gets rather frustrating. UC is generally helpful and the people are kind, which makes this process a tad easier for me. I loathe the idea of contacting Sinclair. The conversations almost always turn out badly.
Having a deadline for graduation is anxiety provoking. I have until Spring of 2012 to graduate. This is a deadline that I already know that I cannot meet. That is about 5 quarters from now and I have nearly 9 left. So, unless I manage to come across four more of me, it just isn't going to work out. I am not going to quit, though. I am getting close enough to being done. School does give me some sense of satisfaction. I enjoy learning and doing the work (well, not always). I do know that when I am not attending school that it seems like my life is on pause and I am not doing anything productive.
Which does remind me that I am procrastinating on an assignment that needs to get done.