I haven't posted in quite a while. I have been doing most of my mind sorting inside my mind and with my loved ones. I have more on my mind right now than I am actually capable of talking out...and frankly, I am tired of talking today.
Currently, I am stuck thinking about what sort of friend I want to be, what kind of person I want to be, and what kind of people I want to surround myself with.
I haven't always been one hundred percent available to my family and friends. I like to believe that I am doing a much better job today than over a year and a half ago. I have put forth some effort into being more involved in my life and in the lives of my loved ones.
That doesn't mean I think I am the ideal friend or perfect, by any means. I am a human. I am still not always available for everyone and everything. In all honesty, I am not always available to myself.
The people that are close to me in my life, family or friends, mean the world to me. I would do anything I could for them and I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat. I consider all of my close friends to be my family. Holly, you are my sister, through and through, you mean more to me than words can describe. You have helped me more than I could ever express. I couldn't do the things that I have done without you in my life. You are a blessing and you mean so very much to me. I love you, eternally. Stef, if you ever read this, you have been with me through nearly half of my life. I want to be there for you. Ask and you shall receive. I'm here and I love you with all my heart. Okay...I'm not going to do "shout outs" to everyone, but all of you know who you are and what you mean to me.
The situation that is weighing on my mind the most is one that would take far too long to catch up on. Vague...I know. This is the basics: if I am your friend, I only have the best intentions in my actions and dealings with you. I would not purposely disrespect you, your friends, and certainly not your family. I only ask that my friends would treat me in the same manner. Truthfully, I don't even believe that I should have to ask that out of you. I once believed that to be common sense or perhaps an unspoken rule.
If I know that you are struggling with finances, insurance issues, work, stress, drama, or whatever it may be... or maybe all of the above at once, the last thing I want to do is add more stress to your life. As a friend, I want to do what I can to help lighten your load. Financially, I can't really do much to help out at this point in my life, but I can be there in other ways. I certainly want to be there in the good times and the bad. I hope that my friends would want the same.
Today, I am tired of playing a victim of my life. I know the roles that I have played in the good and the bad that has happened in my life. Things don't just happen to me, they happen for me. I would never be where I am today without the good and the bad. I am happy and I am fortunate enough to know today that life didn't screw me over in my times of hardship. I helped create those hardships. I am grateful for this moment (even if it doesn't last beyond this moment) that I am not feeling sorry for me. To my family and friends, thank you for standing by my side in some shape or form and helping me get to where I am today.