My best friend, Holly and I wrote this blog March 16. It was posted on her blog page, but I never posted it to my own. I have been thinking about this particular post for nearly a week now and decided that it is worth the repost/reminder to myself.
Ladies and Gentlemen! For your reading pleasure... a tandem entry... offered to you from me and my most favoritest tandem partner, Tea Cup- some of you may know her as Grateful Mama... Some years back, when we first met, Tea and I went on the great tandem bike ride of '05... it is really an entirely different story, but the point is- riding a tandem bike is a lot like a relationship....it is super tough, and takes a lot of work...So, we have been sitting brainstorming this shopping list concept and thought we would jot it down for laughs...or maybe future reference...so here it goes...
Pooling our past experiences, we have come up with a few items collectively that are deal breakers, while we use first person singular, we mean we :) This is a list in progress, we reserve the right to amend as we see fit! Besides, we aren't going shopping just yet anyway, these are just things we think most girls would agree with!
Item 1- a sense of humor, and a healthy amount of wit and sarcasm are essential!!... That is, one must be able to both take it and dish it out...For example, say I am at a man's house, he is tired and is kindly asking me to go. He states, "I am tired, I probably need to get some sleep." I respond (even saying this with laughter!), "You're kicking me out?!" He looks at me, offended, and simply states, "Are you kidding? Yes!" So, needless to say... sarcasm, very important.
Item 2 Mood Swings! Meaning experiencing the complete range on the emotional spectrum... not just happy all the time, but sad, angry, excited, silly, stupid, arrogant (sometimes...a dude that is cocky all the time...not ok.)etc. The second half of that is to be able to experience the emotions of your partner as well... and not "don't be sad" Just let me fuckin feel it, I don't need someone to fix me, I just want someone to feel me while giving me space.
Item 3 Modern Day Chivalry- I want some one who will stand up for me... Like if we are out and someone says or does something that is fucked up to me, I want someone who will step up. This is different than fighting my battles for me, I am a big girl, and can do that on my own, but if we are partners than I want to know you've got my back. Open my door for me once in a while...cook dinner WITH me! If I am wearing heels ESPECIALLY if drinks are involved- offer me your fuckin arm!
Item 4-Accountability- Not saying I will be wrong often, but in the rare instance that I am, I want someone who will call me on my shit- in the most loving caring way... This could also be described as having a backbone... I want you to be able to stand up for yourself, I will stand up for you, by you, with you, but you need to have a substantial amount of inner strength. Make me accountable, but don't be domineering about it...and be accountable to yourself as well.
Item 5-Communication and Connection- This could easily be number one, it is so important for me to be able to say what I feel and I expect the same...totally done with unspoken expectations, misunderstandings and fights because the other half refuses to communicate... there really is no need to argue if we can both talk to each other in an open an honest way...Connection comes in many different forms, there is the emotional connection, but just as important is the physical... not that sex is everything, but, it is pretty important...and I am not talking about fucking (although, a good fuck is a good fuck) but making love, a good lover is so important, someone who is present, in that moment, someone who is as attentive to my needs as I am to theirs. Making love is the ultimate communication and connection in harmony.
Item 6-Ability to find the fun in EVERYTHING!!! Sure, it won't always be rainbows and unicorns, life is hard sometimes, but it doesn't mean the tedious tasks in life can't be fun if you do them together... whats wrong with having a dish soap fight every once in a while?! I want to enjoy every moment in life, so I need a partner who wants the same...
Item 7 - As Is Clause - This is important. I want a man that I like and love, as is. I expect the same from him. I am not looking to buy this house, that I say I love, only to turn around and decide I would actually love this house if it were a completely different home.When I say I'll take you, I meant as is.
Item 8 - Romance in the pants! Okay, not entirely, but romance is a must. I am not asking that you fly me out of the country to wine and dine on a whim. I am looking for the random and occasional, just because, romance. Its the little things that let me know your thinking of me...leave me a random note, leave a flower on my car, run your fingers through my hair...give me a massage... tell me I am beautiful, HOLD MY HAND!!! To me, romance is as much about the thought as it is the action...
Item 9 - Spontaneity - Please, I ask that we have every moment of our individual and coupled lives not be planned. We do not always need to just have sex on the bed. The kitchen counter might be nice. Tie me up, if you must. On that one Sunday when we might just be enjoying our time together, let's hop in the car and go somewhere. Who cares where it takes us? Be excited about the journey and forget about the destination. Where ever we end up is going to be perfect.
Item 10 - Family and friends - These are two of the largest aspects and loves of my life. Finding someone that understands the depth of my love and commitment to these two areas of my life is beyond important. In a partnership, there is obviously going to be a bit of give and take. Perhaps you have a family member in the hospital, the hospital is not exactly my favorite place in the world, but it is your family. That is what is important. If there is an aspect of your life that is important to you, it will be important to me and I will be there by your side. I am a package deal. You can tell me that you love me as much as you so please, but by being there, you will show me.
Item 11 - Goals and dreams - It is crucial that there be goals and dreams in your heart and mind. However, there should be some balance between being a dreamer and being realistic. Having goals and dreams gives us a little extra push in life. That doesn't mean that your head ought to be spent wandering about the clouds day in and day out. I am not asking that you have dreams to end all war and poverty, let's face it, you probably won't get there. However, if you have a goal such as obtaining a career... or bettering yourself in some way that is definitely a plus... And supporting my dreams and goals is equally important