Saturday, August 16, 2014

Feeling the Crash

I spent much of the last week feeling happy, free, at peace, among other warm and lovely feelings. That is not to say that I haven't experienced sadness, a sense of loss, loneliness, or similar feelings we like to shy away from. What I mean is that the majority of this time has been spent dancing to an upbeat tempo of happiness. I have enjoyed each moment, each encounter, and conversation. It has been so good.

I hopped up this morning ready to make the day mine. As the day wore on this swarm of sadness and loneliness engulfed me. I am still happy and well somewhere under this funk. I have myself wondering what it is exactly. Things are going well in my life. I have no major complaints. Nothing to whine about. I can try to push it aside and go about my business. I do not want to do that, though. I know I need to feel it and there is something to gain from it. I could reach out beyond it, but I am sinking in. Not in a depressing sense of drowning. More or less I want to feel it with my whole being. I want to be temporarily engulfed in these flames. Actually, it is more like an ice storm.

Other than that, my life this week...
Gabriel started first grade and now attends school all day. I took him to school his first day and walked him to class. I left and cried. For quite a while. He is 6 and growing to be an awesome little dude. I think he is beyond incredible. I tell him everyday. I tell him at least 50 times a day that I love him, that he is smart, funny, handsome, and amazing. My heart breaks a little that he is growing up. That each day he is closer to leaving home. He is my only and he is my baby. At the same time, I am beyond proud of the person he has become this far. Of the person he will grow to be. He has become the best parts of both of his worlds. He is a wonderful child. This milestone has been one that has made me smile and cry. I love him to the moon and back. Infinity, little man.

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