Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Beyond the Aches

Today I have been in a bit of a haze. Not really thinking. I have more or less gone through the motions of the day. Work was busy, so I was constantly occupied throughout the day. When I got home, I settled into the grind of home life. After being in for a bit, I sat down and immediately decided to mow the lawn. I tackled the lawn and finished up covered in sweat and grass stained feet. I always end up with a sense of accomplishment after I mow the lawn. More or less it is like, "hell yeah, I did that by myself! I don't need a man."
As I said, I have pushed through the day in an almost robotic sense. One thing to the next. No, I am not avoiding anything. I simply have been a bit hazy.
Settling in for the night, I started thinking about how in a short period of time, people have been in my life and right back out. Normally, this would leave me thinking along the lines of, "what did I do?" Not now. I am okay with it. Sometimes we know what we want and if we don't see it in the other person, we move on. It's not you, it's not me. It is not what is necessary or needed at that particular moment. I can't fault someone for that and would hope that someone else would not fault me just the same. On the other hand, I will let you know. I will also move on. I am not going to contact you later on and try to pull you back in.
Today, in my haze, I know that I am a little lonely. I am definitely hormonal (I told you that I feel you on this). I am not sad. I am not a crying mess. In my life there is a lot to be grateful for and I am, for sure. Part of me aches. It is not enough to draw all of my focus. Only enough to know that somewhere inside, it exists. All I know is that when I wake up in the morning, I will conquer the day. I am here and ready to take it on. Feeling sorry for myself does not work for me any longer. I have an amazing son, pup, family, and friends. I am blessed. I have what truly matters in life.

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