Authentically Living

In the last several years, I have embarked on a journey with myself to live my life authentically. Throughout this time I have gained a decent amount of perspective. I have also stumbled upon a certain amount of awareness of myself and my life. Each day, regardless of how tough it might be, I get out of bed and attempt to do the best. At times, I do struggle with my awareness. I know what is right for me and what I ought to be working to achieve. I still do not always choose to take the path that I know is right. There are times in which I intentionally choose to go down a path that will cause unnecessary hardship and/or heartache. I consciously (most of the time) make that decision. I am not perfect and this will always be an ongoing process. 

My head and my heart do not always agree with the path. Generally they want to pursue two different ways. More often than not I choose to follow my heart. I want to live and to feel. I want to feel both the highs and the lows of life. Though I would definitely rather feel the highs. I do not want to live automatically and numb. 

I do not want to be content. I want to be full and happy. I want to be me. I do not want to miss out on experiences because I am afraid. Down the road I do not want to wonder "what if" about the decisions I failed to make. This is not to say that I go through life recklessly. I simply do not want fear and the unknown to keep me from walking down a particular path. If being afraid of the unknown prevents me from making a decision I will only end up wondering about that unknown anyhow. 

I try to be open and honest with all of those that I interact with. I do not want to give the wrong impression. I do not want to be untrue to myself or others. I hope for those that are in my life to know me. I will not lie to them. I am a terrible liar anyway. The hardest part of living authentically is that it seems that there are less people doing the same with their lives. Those that are in my life that also live and love this way are my tribe. They call me out on my crap. They encourage me and love me. They stand by my side regardless of what decisions I make. Those in my life that do not live in this manner, I still love them and offer my patience, support, and encouragement. There does come a time in which some of our paths cannot continue to run together. I have had to divert my path from their path. This is not because I do not care and do not love them. It is because I cannot hold them up and take care of myself. I won't give up on me, you, or us. I only need to put my focus elsewhere. 

Living this way can be difficult (and I do not always follow it exactly), but ultimately it is much more fulfilling.