I am not afraid to try. I know that there is the possibility of heartache if we jumped in completely. At the same time, I know that heartache will come if we never tried. Will it be forever? There is no way to know. As I stated already, nothing is promised. I am not afraid. I would rather find out than spend countless hours, days, whatever duration it may be, wondering about the possibility, potential. I expressed that this is who I am, raw and vulnerable. I will always be who I am and I will not ever pretend to be anything other than me.
Now you know and I am relieved. To some extent. My heart still sits a little heavy. I am not entirely sure of the outcome. Too much alcohol and that severe brain hurt through a large portion of this morning and afternoon did not help to clarify. Either way, I said what needed saying. I stood strong for my heart, that has always fought fiercely for me. I do apologize for the alcohol fueled outburst of the emotionally charged verbal diarrhea. I am sure there may have been a better time and place for the conversation. However, you did begin the conversation and I was honest. I made myself raw and vulnerable. I was me. Or at least a slightly intoxicated version of me. My words still hold true. Even after all of the alcohol has cleared my body and that serious ache has eased in my head. I meant each word. I am a little lighter knowing that you now know and for no longer carrying that around in my heart.
Beyond that bit of intensity for the early morning hours, I also showed you that I am awkward, clumsy at times, and absolutely ridiculous. That is who I am.