Sunday, October 26, 2014
Self-Defeating Thoughts vs. Passionate Heart
Today it is absolutely beautiful outside. The weather is perfect. As I sit outside on my back porch I am absorbing the sunlight and I am having thoughts that it would be nice if my brain felt as amazing as the weather. I guess I woke up in a funk. As of today it has been 6 months since I graduated from the university. What this means to part of my brain is that it is time to start paying off that mountain of student loans that have been collecting interest for the last 6 months. This also means that I have spent this time as a college graduate applying for countless jobs, only for me to still be employed part-time at the same place I have been for the last 3.5 years. I will be turning 29 soon. My brain tells me that I am getting too old to be a part-time working single mother. It also tells me that I need to utilize the degree that I have spent numerous years of my life fighting to obtain. I have tried telling myself that there is no rush. We have plenty of time. Then in the back of that brain of mine I hear myself tell myself that time is going to keep flying by. That I am running out of time to accomplish what I want to do for my son, for myself, for our lives. At the same time, I do not want to be stuck in some job that I do not love. I do not want to go through the motions of a job for a pay check. I want to do what I love and ultimately love what I do. In the world today it does not seem that there are many people doing that, you know, following their hearts and their passions. I am young still and have hopes to travel many places, to love, have fun, enjoy the time I have with my son, my pup, family, and friends. I hope to have a great partner to share my love and life with, to have that family, to have that job I love, and prove to myself that all the energy, love, sweat, tears, and perseverance has paid off. I know that all good things take time. I also know that I don't let others hold me back and I will be damned if I am going to let myself hold me down. I am going to kick the self-defeating thoughts away and let the light shine in. I will get where I have dreamed to be.
Posted by Grateful Mama at 9:54 AM