Day 18 - Something you regret
I would like to say that I have no regrets. However, this is simply not the case. At this point in my life there are a few things that I do regret. I regret not having spent more time with family before they moved on in this world. That is by far my biggest regret. For example, I had gone to see both of my paternal grandparents in October 2008 to visit with them and show them the costume that I had made for Gabriel. We visited for a while. It was nice spending time with them and having them see Gabriel. About a week and a half later, I had planned to go visit with them again. I ended up getting busy and running errands. I was unable to make it over. My grandfather passed away the next day. I have carried around a lot of guilt for not spending more time with all of my grandparents. I still have very good memories of time that I did spend with them while they were here, but I would like to have had more.
At times, I regret having taken down walls that I constructed with the sole intention of keeping me free from pain. This is something small and somewhat silly. It has been difficult to make myself vulnerable. It is even more difficult to make myself vulnerable and get hurt because of it. I don't always want to take risks and of course I never HAVE to. I am not generally comfortable with the unknown, but who really is? I do know and understand now that taking risks is necessary if I want to really live. If I never leave my comfort zone, I will miss out on many experiences.