One of my favorite vacations was staying at Norris Lake with my family. My mom's maternal family would rent a cabin/house on the lake and tons of us would go there and stay. The year that was my favorite, my parents, my friend Leah, and I camped in the yard. The property was large and beautiful. The house was very nice, but we didn't really spend much time inside. We spent most of our time sitting on the dock, on the boat, or the jet ski. We stayed at the lake for several days. Spent a lot of time outdoors and in the sun. At night we would have a fire. Some of us thought it was a good idea to throw fireworks into the fire and see what would happen. It turned out that it wasn't really a great idea. It was pretty funny,though. I don't really have a whole lot to say about the trip because we didn't do anything terribly exciting. We hung out and had fun.
I wasn't going to post anything about the vacation today. I was going to make the post for day 23 as an update as to what is going on with me. I did end up getting my assignments done. It is a huge relief to have them out of the way.
In the last few days, my heart has felt heavy. My mind is clouded, eyes swimming, and in a funk. It is hard for me to want for something and to not know the outcome. Say I want X to happen, but living in the unknown as to whether or not it will come to be. My heart aches because I pull my walls down, become open, honest, and vulnerable in situations that may bring nothing but more heartache.
It is a risk. I have put aside my fears of being hurt. However, that does not mean that I am simply welcoming the pain into my life. I want to take chances. I don't want to dismiss my feelings because I don't know what is in store for me. When I connect with other humans, it is always possible that pain may be in store. I refuse to ignore the feelings in my heart and in my gut.
I am still afraid.
"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love, it is the prerogative of the brave." - Mahatma Gandhi
I am currently listening to Mumford & Sons. The song playing is After the Storm.
"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."