Saturday, February 12, 2011

Girls' Night and After

It was difficult to see Tara for the last time, but I am glad that we were able to see her. We were able tell her we love her and say goodbye. I spent a little bit of time over with Tonya, Mitchell, and TaraBell yesterday. Gabriel and I left there and spent time together. Gabriel stayed the night with his dad last night and I went to a much needed girls' night. It was a lot of fun. It was nice to spend time with those ladies and to talk, laugh, be serious, and have fun. We hung out over at Holly's house until close to midnight when we decided to venture out into the public eye. Of course we had to put on the heels! I ran into a best friend's old flame, or whatever it is that he was. We had a nice talk, but then he just started to creep me out a little bit. Thank goodness for girlfriends! They will drag you out of it in a heartbeat. We started our night off on bad terms with the bartender. Sorry, but your orange juice sucked! "Someone else will have to order drinks for the rest of the night."
Today, Tonya mentioned all of us going to take Gabriel to see his first movie in the theater. Gnomeo and Juliet (in 3-D). I think that it could be fun and interesting. He may or may not have the patience for a movie. I guess we will have to find out!
I am a little confused right now, but that is simply because I don't understand what is going on. I know that it is probably better for me to keep my mouth and heart closed sometimes, but wow, it is a little hard. I get weak periodically. I suppose that it is bound to happen from time to time. Feelings can be rough. I can say that I know that I am a great woman. I am beautiful, I am a great mama, and I do the best I can. I deserve to be someone's first thought. I tell myself that and seconds later ask myself if that is fair.
When my time comes...!
I saw things, with my dreaming eyes, that obviously never came to be. Not just with men, but with life in general. Five years ago, I certainly did not see myself where I am currently. It isn't bad, but unexpected. My life is unfolding exactly as it should. I am right where I need to be. Right. Where. You. Need. To. Be. (Self-talk) I can look at myself today and be happy with myself and my body. It is hard to get to that point, especially after having a child. I am happy with my journey thus far and I wouldn't change one second. I am finding myself.

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